Don't I Matter?
by GravityNeko
Summary: Ben confronts Luke about the after effects on him from the final battle against Abeloth.


**A/N: Just something I was thinking about one time...this takes place after SW Apocalypse.**

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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars; it is the property of George Lucas.

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"Ben…Is something wrong?"

"Nothing.." The teen proclaimed.

Luke frowned. "Now, I know that's not true." He walked around and planted himself in front of Ben who was busy working on the hyperdrive engine for the _Shadow_. "I've always urged you to be honest with me…be honest with your feelings."

"I thought you said your feelings betrayed you." He sniped back moodily.

Luke frowned once more.

"Ben…If something's wrong I need you need to tell me."

"What would it change?"

"Now, I know something is bothering you. Just tell me."

Frustrated, Ben pulled himself back up and chucked the hyrospanner across the hold. "You. You're what bothers me!"

His father pulled back surprised.

He pushed himself to his feet violently, face red. "Yes, you. Don't look so surprised. You go off and put yourself in danger constantly. You never think of your own safety! You're not invincible, Dad!"

"Ben…I'm a Jedi…I must always put the welfare of the galaxy above myself."

"Even at the risk of your own life!"

"Yes, even that."

"And you don't care about me? About how I feel?"

"All right…how do you feel?"

"Right now…angry." He responded tersely. "Back then…scared as all Hell."

"Why?" Luke inquired incredulously.

"I was afraid…Scared you were going to die…after Abeloth...when Jaina brought you back…that giant whole in your chest…sunken in eyes…you looked like death, Dad." His voice cracked, sobs entering it.

"Oh, Ben..." His father's face softened.

"I thought I was going to be an orphan...all alone…I thought you were going to die! I didn't want that!"

Luke stayed silent for a moment. He didn't know what to say.

"Well, don't you have anything to say, blast it," Ben hollered. "-something to justify for your selfishness; of how inconsiderate you are!"

"**Ben, that's enough!" **Luke bellowed.

His son shrunk back at the sound of his father's raised voice. Very rarely did Luke Skywalker raise his voice above his standard tone; it took a great deal to make him shout. He knew he had touched a nerve…but still…he was still angry with him.

He plowed ahead, voice stern yet kind: "Now, I realize you're hurting at the moment, and I do understand your point of view…You have every right to feel the way you feel, Ben, but that doesn't change the fact of what I am. Yes, I am your father, but I am still a Jedi…My duty is to this galaxy. I cannot put my own wants and desires—or anyone's for that matter—above the good of the galaxy. Maybe that makes me a bad father, but know that I still love you…and what I continue to do is because I love you. I want you to lead the best possible life…and that is by leading you by my example.

"Not only you, Ben, but other Jedi as well; I have a duty to this Order. But through following my duty, I can bring you up right, the way I believe I should. I want you to be the best possible man and Jedi you can be."

He paused.

"Do you understand now?"

Ben was silent, glaring daggers at Luke. No, he didn't—or more like, he wouldn't. He seemed to refuse to. Luke sighed then crossed the space between them and enfolded Ben in his arms.

Ben sought to struggle against his father's embrace, but Luke look only tightened it. He refused to let the boy go, feeling as he was now. Soon, Luke could feel his son shaking in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

"There, that's it. Let it all out.." He patted the youth's back.

"How can you stand there and say that?" He wailed. "How can you tell me something like that that basically my feelings don't matter?" Ben used his fist and struck Luke on the shoulder. "You're horrible...Terrible parent."

"I know." He whispered softly, not in the least bit hurt.

"Yeah, you better agree…you really suck you know."

He stroked Ben's hair. "Of course."

Ben struggled, finally breaking free.

"Why are you letting me insult you like that?" Ben asked baffled. "How can you..." He stopped at the look in his father's eyes. "Dad?"

Luke's eyes were shrouded in melancholy, tears welling up in their blue depths.

"I'm sorry..So sorry, Ben…Of course you matter to me, you always have. I love you…" He smiled sadly. "I loved you since the day I found out your mother was pregnant with you." Luke reached up a hand and touched Ben's cheek. "Don't ever think I don't love you, just because I have to serve the galaxy. Don't you ever think I don't care? I do. I always will."

He paused for a moment and Ben searched his father's eyes as he did this.

"I'm sorry, you were scared, Ben," Luke finally said. "I'm sorry I frightened you back then…I had no idea…you never told me. I wish you had."

"How could I…you were hurt...and all I wanted was for you to be okay. I..I couldn't lose you…I already lost mom…I couldn't lose you…I love you too, much, Dad…" saying this, the young Knight collapsed on the deck, bawling. He let out several choked cries, his arms wrapped tightly around his legs, head tucked to his knees.

Luke moved quickly, his heart breaking at the sight of his child in pain, and kneeled, enveloping Ben within his arm. He pulled the boy from his seated position onto his knees and tucked Ben's face to his shoulder warmly. Running a hand through Ben's fine red hair as he cradled his skull, he rested his on top of the boy's head."I'm sorry, Ben, I'm so sorry." He murmured this against his son's hair.

"Why do you have to be a hero..." He mumbled through his tears.

"I'll try not to be," He quipped.

"Not funny. Stop trying to be funny when I'm sad."

"I'm not trying to."

"You're doing a terrible job at it." Ben pulled back, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. His lips held a slight smile to them.

Luke brushed a hand through Ben's hair and his son tried his best to look irritated at his father's coddling—but failed miserably.

"There's the smile I love so much..." Luke said softly.

Ben pouted. "Don't try to soften me up; I'm still angry at you."

"Sure you are."

"I am. You do dumb things, and get hurt, and I'm supposed to accept it…You should know how I feel. How it would affect me…especially after mom." He trailed off. "Thoughtless."

"I am..."

Silence hung between them for a moment.

"Ben," His father started and Ben turned his head up to look at him. "I can't promise you I won't die, you do know that right?" He cradled Ben's head with his hand. "I can't promise a future unforeseeable and constantly in motion. I can't even promise that I won't get hurt…It has happened before, and it will most likely happen again." His hand trailed to Ben's chin, grasping it. "What I can promise…is that as long as you reach out to me...I will be there.

"All right?" He narrowed his eyes gently.

Ben didn't say anything for a good while.

Finally, taking his father's hand away from his face, he said, "Deal."

"That's my boy."

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**A/N: Soooo what do you think…If you enjoyed it, don't forget to review…**


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